Dear Diary
by Amy-REGALMEMBER
Summary: What happens when diary's are switched and read by the other person...durn durn durrrrrnnnnn...
1. Dear diary Julia

Dear diary,

It's getting worse. I can't stop thinking about him. Everywhere I turn everywhere I look he's there. Oh I don't know what to do anymore. Diary I am truly a dreadful wife, I know I am, but the worst part of it all is I would act upon my hearts desires in a heartbeat if he just gave me a sign anything whether it a lingering gaze to a simple touch. He makes me weak, he makes me want him, need him, crave him long for him and I can't stop, I don't want to stop. He unknowingly dismisses my rational thoughts whilst unknowingly stealing the last bearings of self control that still remain. I need release, to feel for filled in every way humanly possible; I need him!

Wait have I already mentioned what happened yesterday? I...I don't think I have...So fortunately for you I shall gladly run through it. It was him; he was standing in my morgue whilst I was briefing him on my discoveries on our latest case together. I was explaining to him about how the angle of trajectory made me come to the conclusion the un-sub was of average build and approximately 5 foot 6 most likely a male whom was right handed. After this I broke my concentration from the body and onto the sink where I was to clean my blood soaked hands when it happened! I looked up from my station at the time and found him looking at me; I actually caught him looking at me! His eyes where fixed on me as though he was inspecting me; examining every inch of me. I felt a chill race through my body. The blood in my veins begging to boil. He made my body crazy; my mind clouded. With all this going on I failed to hear him calling my name. Oh how I long for him. I swear the need grows more intense every time I see him.

Sometimes I wish I never left Toronto. I wish that I had stayed and that he had spoken his true feeling toward me. Did you know Diary he was going to propose to me! To me! Children or no. Unfortunately I was gone and he was just too late. It kills me every time I recall it.

Lately I've found my mind drifting back to thoughts of William whilst I'm having lunch with Darcy; whilst my husband is talking to me. Oh Detective if only you knew what you do to me... Oh my stars and tonight I wished I had died then and there, on the very spot I stood upon! I called Darcy William! Luckily I managed –God only knows how, but I managed none the less to dig myself out of it. However, I believe it may have had something to do with the fact that I'd casually began to change the conversation after however the sudden outburst of the wrong names being blurted out( I couldn't help it, it was on my tongue on minute and out of my mouth the next I swear. It wasn't intentional; honest!) By this I purely mean that I began talking about my day and how William had found some key information on the case we where working rather than how Darcy had found a penny on the floor. Enthralling, I know right? Ha

As you can hopefully tell conversation is bleak with Darcy It's all work related or just plain rubbish meanwhile, when I find myself talking with William we can talk about everything whilst talking about absolutely nothing in particular. It's quite refreshing. The fact that William manages to do a better job of impressing me than Darcy is a some what intriguing concept don't you think?  
>I don't even have to have a conversation with William so to speak. I know all of this is going to sound all oh so Cliché but the God honest truth is I couldn't care less! I feel as though when I'm with him all I have to do is look into his eyes and we're communicating. It's so romantic.<br>Another thing was when his hand accidently brushed past mine whilst he was taking the report out of my grasp earlier today. I still find my mind in total turmoil when I lay beside a peaceful and sleeping Darcy and think of William. It had been the most innocent of touches, but I tremble every time I think about it; about him! The best part is I believe that on some level William feels the same.

I know I've already mentioned the visions I've had. I'm fully aware I've written about the visions years ago it's just I need to confine in someone/ something it's just they haven't began to deteriorated as expected alas they have only gotten worse; but I love it. Is that bad of me? – Oh of course it is what am I even thinking- I'm married to Darcy till death do us part. Be faithful to him as long as we both shall live.  
>But I often find myself wondering however, if just a simple fantasy can make me grow flustered what would the real thing be like.<br>Oh Dairy I can't stand the sexual tension anymore! I need to let him know how I feel whilst remaining silent! Perhaps I could try and drop a couple of sutal hints? That may very well work; might-en it?

Oh who am I kidding William although he is a brilliant Detective he knows nothing when it comes to women. Especially not me anyway or he would know how much I want him. No matter how objects! So sutal hints no longer seem like a plausible option as they will merely fly right over the mans head, never mind register in that wonderful mind of his.  
>I'll tell you another thing Dairy, Ruby wasn't half wrong about him being a fine specimen and all. In fact he's far from fine as it happens you see I find him to be more along the lines of perfect.<br>William in my eyes is the soul definition of perfect. And one day he will be mine and I shall be his!

Do you think Diary that if I had been compliant with his needs at the park that night...You know when he was enticed with alcohol (absinth to be precise) we would be together now?  
>Perhaps that's the solution. Perhaps all I need is to persuade William to come around and have dinner with me whilst Darcy is away and well...I know it's appalling of me but to... have him consume absinth perhaps we would achieve as much as we did last time and if not more. Oh wouldn't be marvellous, spectacular! Alas I'm afraid I shalt be going that far. The last think I want is him thinking is that I'm some type of cycopath. Perhaps all of this is just the simple equation for a heart break, none the less I shall remain persistent, as a heart break is merely another name for a sham which is exactly what I am living now!<p>

Well Diary it's getting late so I'll be sure to fill you in tomorrow if I've thought of anything worth actually trying. Wish me luck – Because, I'm bound to need it. All my love Julia xxx


	2. Dear Diary  William

Dear Diary,

It has been 8 months 2 weeks 6 days and 8 hours precisely since the wonderful Dr. Ogden has returned to her home town Toronto once more. I can't believe it; I feel almost whole again just knowing she is by my side. There is however one unfortunate downfall, this being that she is now married to Dr Darcy Garland. (I despise the man. How is it he can just waltz is's right in and stanch her away from me? Just like that, I don't understand! I loved her I still do... with all of my heart and it breaks my heart every time I see her with him. I loose a part of my self every time.) As imagined it is proving quite mettlesome; for you see I now doubt there to be any chance of there ever being an us. Oh Diary, she is the most beautiful, intelligent and impartial person I have ever had the luxury to lay my eyes upon. Every day spent with her is a happy ever after until realisation kicks back in. Oh how I long to proclaim my love for her. She is my everything; my world. She is the reason I drag myself out of bed every morning. The reason my heart still beats! Diary she completes me. I know it sound cliché but it's the truth, whether she has promised herself to another or not!

(Sighs deeply whilst writing) Oh...Diary I fear this makes me a truly terrible man, I shouldn't feel these feelings anymore! Not for a married women. Not with the bundles of respect I hold dear for her. Besides she'll have forgotten about me by now anyway... (Sniggers) ever since I received that God awful letter on her wedding day after that, God awful case; she made her feeling blatantly obvious if I'm to put it bluntly. Julia gave me a choice. Not exactly a fair choice I'll have you know but a choice none the less...Basically she told me that I could either forget about her (Which I'll have you know is NOT POSSIBLE!) Or I could pronounce my love for her and by doing so destroying Darcy. Which no matter how much I despise the man I shalt ever sink to that level...

If I didn't hold my pride so dearly to me I...I would have. I would have barged through those church doors, ran to her, and swept her into my arms and planted a passionate kiss upon her soft tender lips; there and then. I would go to the ends of the world for her! But I had to set things right at least that way I have fixed one of my many mistakes. I just wish that... that I could have fixed the mistake of letting go. But there are just some things that would inflict more pain upon people...upon her.

I wish I could have seen her though. Perhaps if the circumstances where different, perhaps she could have been walking down the isle towards me. To feel my heart flutter in chest as my eyes set upon her, would have been a sensation so wonderful one could not possibly describe it. To see the smile that graced her precious face would have been like a gift sent from the heavens above. For you see her smile is like the first breath of spring, as gratifying as the first rays of sunshine. Everything about her is fresh and new, pure; just the simple thought of it is teasing a smile to my lips. She gives me the urge to walk closer to her in order to feel the warmth radiating from her. She is for me the soul definition of perfect. She is flourless

Have I already mentioned what happened the other day? ... I don't think I have. (Sighs deeply a tear drops onto the paper) I feel awful. I find that her every aspect of her captivates me. Causing my mind to drift into a land of forbidden fantasies of her. (Sniggers) My gaze upon her began to linger whilst she was briefing me on a case we are working together. I couldn't stop it this time. Usually I have some level of authority over it but... today...today I... I didn't! The worst part is that I believe she caught me. The last thing I want to do is to make her feel uncomfortable around me. It would mean she would move back to buffalo again and I would never see her again! I would definitely die there's no denying it. No shadow of a doubt. Without her I'm nothing, Its bad enough she isn't mine but if she were to leave...I would have no choice but to commit the worst sin possible...suicide. There is however the possibility that she would kill me first. By this I simply mean that when and if she were to leave there would be no need for my heart to any longer beat. She would be the death of me...!

I feel a huge weight upon my chest that I must get off. What best way to do that than in here. Where nobody shall see it.

Diary I need her. More than I need oxygen more than anything in this world. I dream about her every night. I fantasise about her when ever she is nearby and even when she isn't here.

I remember it like yesterday, I was in my office tying together the last of my paper work when suddenly, she was there, arched in the doorway. Her skin was glowing a golden colour and her eyes a sensual blue and the sent of her perfume lingered in the air; it was intoxicating. My head was racing. I almost missed her soft voice calling my name.  
>"Detective?" she tried again "William?" her voice was kind and patient.<br>She headed over in my direction as I ushered my reply out through my trembling lips.  
>"Julia? What on earth are you doing here so late at night?" I asked slightly baffled.<br>She didn't say anything as she paced over toward me. "William I miss you"  
>"I'm sorry?" she misses me? How can she I'm right here.<br>Her hand is brought to my face and once more she speaks. "Do you miss me?"  
>"Julia I don't understand what you're asking me. "My breathing was begging to become shaky as I soon realised she was holding my face.<br>This time she leaned over to me and whispered into my ear. "I need you. I need you William" Her tone of voice was so seductive that it sent hot chills spiralling through my body.  
>"Take me William...I'm yours" she kissed my neck.<br>"Oh Julia" I moaned as I pulled on top of me. I couldn't contain myself; the need for her was too great. I took her mouth and ushered my tongue passed her soft lips demanding her complete surrender. She moaned my name. I picked her up whilst pushing everything off my desk in a violent manner. As I took to her neck she moaned- "De...tec...tive" the last part was more like a squeal as my teeth bit the skin of her neck playfully.  
>"Sir?" It was George "SIR" I looked up passed the mounds of paper work and saw him standing there, his face filled to the brim with concern. She was gone. Never there.<br>That Diary is what I live with everyday! I suppose at least in a way we are together. If only she felt the same.

Diary I'm afraid I shall be turning in for the night so you shall remain once more in this here drawer.  
>I hope one day we shall end up together.<br>Well I fill you in tomorrow,  
>William.<p>

(Sighs and places the dairy into the drawer in his office before heading home for some well earned rest.)


	3. It was simple mistake

_**W**__**arning- This chapter includes a quote from 500days of summer.**_

Dear Diary,

_ Julia here again and today is Friday; (Giggles to herself)supposedly the last day of work for the week however, Inspector Brakenreid would gladly beg to differ as he insists I remain here and finish the stack of paperwork I've been bombarded with...(Sighs deeply before continuing) I don't know what I'm going to do about it. I haven't even examined half of the bodies in these reports and William...Yes William. Isn't he lovely? Oh the things I want to do to him the things I want him to do to me and whisper into my ear whilst we are making lov...  
>... I...I Errmm mean I could have him help me after, all he knows all of the information that's necessary to solve the cases which would save me a heck of a lot of time. Considering it's not something I do pride myself on wasting these days.<em>

You know I dream sometimes about flying  
>It starts out like I'm running really; really fast<br>I'm like superhuman  
>Then the terrain starts to get really rocky and steep and then I'm running so fast that my feet "aren't even touching the ground and I'm floating<br>And its like this amazing, amazing realness  
>I'm free, I'm safe<br>Then I realise...  
>I'm completely alone.<p>

_Oh this all so besides the point I have work to do, so much work to do! I haven't slept in over 4 days now so dairy on that accord I shall return to you afterwards to fill you in. Hopefully William can help put my mind at ease a little,  
>Good bye for now and all my love,<br>Julia _

_**Dear diary**_

_William here, yet again another day, Friday to be specific the last day of work, or so one would presume. Inspector Brakenreid has loaded paperwork on me ones again (I believe he thinks I'm some kind of genius.) So instead of finally getting a night's well rest I shall be up instead. The last thing I want on mind my right is work; work is all I ever seem to do anymore. No to mention Julia hasn't been to visit me... I mean the station house for a whole day now and well the boys and I feel empty when she isn't here. I'm sure she too will have extra work on her plate; perhaps I should go and keep her company for a while? After all I haven't yet had chance to see her extraordinary smile. It takes my breath away. Without a shadow of a doubt she is the most pulchritudinous and ethereally beautiful I have ever laid my eyes upon._

_I know it sounds oh so cliché but when she smiles, the sky lights up in euphoric harmony ravishing her every essence of beauty; she captivates me. (William is lost in his thoughts for a brief period of time)  
>Obviously she will never know of my true feeling for her for she is married and shall be for her entire life. But gosh darn it sometimes I wish she could somehow find out. I want her so badly Dairy, I need her, I need her like a fish needs water, she's like oxygen to little and I will die. She is a necessity. I even miss her somewhat bizarre morgue humour. (Laughs to himself and lets out a deep Sigh) <em>

_Any way I do believe I am being somewhat distracted here. I have a job to do and it involves the wonderful Dr. Ogden and her enthralling mind. Therefore there shall be no more time to loose now. _

_Write soon,  
><em>_William.  
><em>  
><em>Julia's view-<em>

Julia grew exceedingly nervous with every step she took as she approached Williams's office. The station house looked quite literally abandoned to put it frankly; nobody was there, not a sound to be had nor a sight to be seen when there it was; - How odd Julia thought to herself- it was then she saw it, in the distance there was a dim light flickering from inside William's office. At this her heart began to race, he was there, he was actually there!  
>They would be alone, appositely nobody else was around, no George no Inspector Brakenreid nor any of the friendly constables, it all seemed a little strange to be perfectly honest almost to good to be true.<p>

"William" she sounded sheepish her voice was barely above a whisper.  
>She heard no immediate replies so she tried again; this time louder. "William, are you here... (It soon hit her when she entered his office it was quite obvious nobody was there?"<br>Apprehensively Julia approached William's desk where she had noticed a little black notebook. Looking at that retrospectively he had always left her something to go on, surely this must be it. As soon as she had come Julia, allowed a deep sigh to usher itself from her lips as she headed once more into the dark, bitterness of the night.

William's View

"Julia, have you had a chance to finish the report on the Lawson case for me yet?" William questioned as he approached her little corner of the morgue.

–_Only silence graced him-_

But just like back at the station there was not a soul there, he was alone. Like he had been so many times before.

–_It's not like Julia to go home without leaving a note or locking up for that matt...- His thoughts where quickly derailed as his eyes fell open a small black notebook. It had her name on- Dr. Julia. Ogden, surely this is the report- He thought aloud- I should have known she wouldn't leave me with nothing.- William chuckled to himself as he exited the morgue vie the back._

Precisely at the moment William exited vie the back, Julia entered vie the front.  
>-Forget about the reports Julia, they'll still be here in the morning! It's almost 11oclock at night and you have to be up in the morning!-<br>Her mind was at it again; having a conversations with her. Perhaps all of this overtime was making her a little crazy, or just all of the lack of sleep was getting to her. Either way all she could think about was getting her Diary safely home.

Only whilst shuffling things around on her desk did she notice her black Dairy was missing? Instinctively her panic mode kicked in. Before long reports were flying around the morgue and things smashed as they were knocked off of their shelves; none of this seemed to faze her however, as she was more concerned about the absence of her private Dairy!  
>"Oh God no! Where is it?"<p>

William was sat at his office desk just like before and he slowly made his way to opening the Dr's notebook when he saw the two words that made his heart race...  
>Dear Diary...<p>

_Sorry for the long wait and please review but exams are mad just of late and I had to give you something to read. Whether its a good or bad one :P  
>thanks for your time,<br>Amy_


	4. Dear readers,

Dear readers,  
>I profusely apologise for my extremely silly spelling mistake.<br>It was brought to my attention by "WilliamAndJulia" so thank you very, very much for that.  
>I actually read my chapters back and I had spelt Dairy rather than Diary all the way through barr a couple of times. My mother and I found the whole thing quite amusing.<br>None the less hope you enjoyed it x  
>Next time I may do a deliberate mistake to see who notices it first :P <p>


	5. What next?

As William sat there he stared at those two words for what seemed to be an eternity, Dear Diary...

Dear Diary...  
>He couldn't...He couldn't bring himself to read anymore, This was her Dairy after all, something for her eyes only, even if he wanted to read more he was too afraid; afraid of the disappointment... afraid that she didn't care for him the way he did for her, afraid that she would think less of him fore reading her Diary... He wanted so badly for there to be a possibility that her deepest and darkest thoughts were written inside this little black book, that he head so tightly in his hands; For there to be some sort of confession of her eternal love for him, like he had for her.<p>

But he couldn't, he had far too much respect for her than to violate her privacy, He knew he would NEVER be able to forgive himself if he read on, so he carefully closed the black framed book and placed it in-between a few of his other reports from Dr. Ogden's office.  
>He remained there in complete silence the only sound was that of his steady breathing and the flickering of the candle next to him.<p>

_Back at the Morgue-  
><span>_Beads of sweat were running down the young pathologists head as she was running around frantically in a mad hurry to recover her lost Journal.  
>Just as she was about to tare through her desk that's when she noticed, there on her desk was a small piece of paper with the Detective handwriting on it. As she made her way other to the piece of paper her heart began to beat faster and faster, making it harder for her to breathe.<br>Dear Julia,  
>I could not find you in your office so I presume you are at home with Darcy, I just popped by to see if you could help me with a case I am currently working on, it's just that I haven't received your post-mortem report yet so therefore, I am lacking the most important part of information..."cause of death" so I have taken some of your reports.(Julia's jaw dropped, she had left her Diary with those reports! Then it hit her, he had her DIARY! He could be reading it right now!)<br>If you are actually still at work tonight and I just missed you, feel free to swing by my office I shall be there until 2am,  
>Thank you Julia and I hope you get this,<br>William.

That was it she was dead; if had read her Diary he would know how she felt about him in every detail and of her dreams...and Oh My God her fantasies!  
>She left herself no time to think this out; she just ran to the station house and called out for William.<p>

"Will...iam?" Julia called out trying to hold the tears back.  
>"William? Are you still here?"<br>She made her way to his office and that's where she saw him, sitting there holding a stack of paper.  
>"Ah, Julia, you are still at work," (He said with a smile) "I hope you don't mind I took some reports from your desk, I left you a note so you didn't think somebody had stolen them,"<br>"W...William, have you...erm...come across a rather small black book?"  
>Her face clearly painted with dread and fear.<br>"Erm... I can't say I have I'm afraid but your welcome to have a look, the papers are just here,(He pointed to the stack of reports piled up on his desk. Julia headed over not once looking William in the eyes and that's when she saw it as she let out a sigh of relieve)  
>"Have you found it then?" Asked a rather tentative Detective William Murdoch.<br>"Yes thank you,"  
>"Oh good, I didn't anything I shouldn't have I hope if I ha..."<br>"Oh this silly old thing, no, no of course not. It's just some notes I've been making regards to another case I'm working, so a complete waste of your time."  
>She cut him off in a hopes to change the subject before he had a chance to pry.<br>He looked shocked by her outburst but understood full too well why she had, had one.  
>"Oh well thank you Dr..."<br>"Do worries Detective" she painted a deserving smile on her face as she spoke.  
>"Julia...Would you care to join me for a bite to eat? It's just I heard you too were working late and..."<br>"I would love to, but..."  
>"If it's too much trouble not worry about it, I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked" Williams hid his disappointment, but not well enough to hide it from her.<br>"You know what, on second thoughts I am kind of hungry, perhaps we would could go back to the morgue...wait scratch the last part."  
>"Julia is everything alright?"<br>"Well to be honest, I was looking for my book( she held in the air) and erm I suppose I must have made a little...mess"  
>William giggled, when Julia felt comfortable in the fact that he mustn't have read her...book she too let out a few giggles.<br>"Hahaha, well then Dr. In that case I know the perfect place,"  
>"Oh?"<br>"Well if I do remember correctly you enjoy your French food, and there just so happens to be a new restaurant down the road, perhaps we could get a "take a way"  
>The two laughed at William's little comment. Julia had picked up a few new ways of saying things since her time in Buffalo and this was the first time she had heard William talk in such a manner. It was rather amusing.<br>"Well Detective, I would be delighted, "  
>"Wonderful Dr, but there really is not need for formalities," Both William and Julia shared a glance at one another before anymore words were shed.<br>"Well in that case...William, it sounds spectacular, let me just grab my coat and we can be on our way" She had her famous Dr. Ogden grins painted across her face, it took all of William's self control not to wipe it off there and then. It took him a moment to gather himself but, he did so none the less.  
>"Alright, Julia, Shall I come with you?"<br>"That would be lovely William thank you,"  
>And with that the two left the station and morgue for the night to enjoy a warm meal and a good conversation between two...friends? <p>


	6. Blissful sleep

_(15th September 1890)  
>Dear Diary,<br>I think I'm falling in love with the coroner, she fascinates me Diary, her beauty captivates me and her knowledge, her wit and her ability to help me solve a case just confounds me.  
>She's wonderful Diary!<em>

_(20th October 1890)  
>Dear Diary,<br>What is happening to me? Today I was working a case involving a young man's drowning at the local rowing club; so nothing out of the ordinary really.  
>But later on however, Dr. Ogden asked for a Dr. Isaac Tach to help assist me in the case regarding the where about of the boys "Secret Meeting place" and to my amazement he informs me, he and Julia once courted and the next thing I know is I'm in the morgue asking Dr Ogden all sorts of questions; none of which were really any of my business but I find myself grinding my teeth and scrutinizing, they were all on a rather personal level and unfortunately we don't have that type of relationship however, I do find myself noticing inconsequential details when I'm around her, how often she flutters her eyelids and how her mouth cheeks crease as she's speaking. So as soon as she admits to having had a relationship with this "Dr. Tach" I grab hold of her and claim her mouth (tongues were involved and may I just state it was spectacular) the best part is even though it was a spontaneous kiss she too went for it (so to speak) but unfortunately it was nothing but a figment of my imagination. I wish I had the courage to go with my convictions with my religion it seems so cut and dried but with Julia I see so many areas of grey._

_(1st February 1891)  
>Dear Diary,<br>To be perfectly honest with you, I'm a little bit out of it! I have just been on a "date" with the lovely Julia Ogden. And may I just say it was for nominal. We drank and drank and drank until I built up the courage to finally kiss her. Her sweet, tender, rosy lips…But Diary I must confess it got rather out of hand! I was practically on top of her! And if it wasn't for her modern mind and stubbiness I do believe I…. well let's just say I wouldn't be writing this for sure.  
>Now I can safely say this is the women I will spend the rest of my life with.<em>

_(29th July 1892)  
>Dear Diary,<br>I made the worst mistake of my life! Julia told me she had an abortion today and all I did was sit there and tell her (basically) that I wanted nothing more to do with her. It upset me, aggravated me but the fact that it had taken a case to get her to tell me this! How could she not trust me? How could this man have slept with somebody so smart, witty, intelligent and advanced for her time and everything beyond and that not be enough for him, was this man crazy? I would have swooped places with him in a heartbeat and known my life was complete. Who could want anything more? What more is there? Julia is everything any man could ever wish for.  
>Yet here I am judging her when I myself am not in a position to do so. Julia has turned my beliefs and my world upside-down but not for the negative just to open my eyes to what could be and all its possibilities.<br>I mean I myself am far from perfect. The worst part is though she almost died! Julia almost died! And all I could do was be angry at her, when really I was angry at myself… I should have just held her._

_(21st August 1892) _

_Dear Diary,  
>Ever since I began to court Mrs Jones I have noticed that Julia's behaviour has rapidly alerted. She no longer shares eye contact with me whilst we are talking nor, does she "accidentally" brush past me. I have even found myself more often than not making silly excuses to go and ask Julia's opinion on an on-going case or to see if things are ready when there is really no need. How many times must I try to casually glance at her? Does she even realise I'm doing it? I mean I'm involved, she's –involved- so there should really be none of this; right? But the thing that troubles me the most is I only ever think of her. When she's with this "Roger" fellow I lose my mind.<br>All I want to do is take her into my arms and kiss her until her lips are numb, until her breath is shaky and her legs start to buckle and until she is squirming underneath me.  
>(Ugh…I even experienced another fantasy regarding that tonight!) This has to prove my point. I belong with her, not Mrs Jones and Julia belongs with me not Roger.<em>

_(5th March 1893)  
>Dear Diary,<br>I broke it off with Mrs Jones yesterday! I rode down to Maple gardens today to catch the Dr. Setting off on a hot air balloon only to profess my feelings for her in front of a crowd of on lookers.  
>I think we have started a fresh. It's wonderful. She is mine again and I am hers. I can kiss her whenever I choose I can take her out on dates whenever I wish too and I now have a real reason to visit her at the morgue, no more of this "Dr this and Dr that ", no, no now it is "Julia this and Julia that and a kiss here and embrace there". Oh how I love her. What did I ever do to deserve such a astonishing woman?<em>

_(16th October 1894)  
>Dear Diary,<br>I feel empty now that she is gone! I knew something was wrong but when she told me she couldn't have children and that she was moving to buffalo I … I just froze up! Gorr I should have said something; anything! But now she is gone! I didn't even get a chance to make it right; to tell her I love her to tell her she means the world to me and that no matter what I will always love her and to prove it I bought her a diamond and ruby engagement ring. I had the whole thing planned out in my mind. It would have been priceless. The look on her face when I proposed and the excitement and love in her voice when she said "yes"….. But I will never see nor hear that. She's gone and I'm finished. Whenever I find love something like this always happens. I ought to just face facts and except that she deserves better than me. But I can't help the way I feel about her, she is truly my everything and it feels as though my whole world is coming crashing down around me, like I'm suffocating without her…._

_(12th April 1895)  
>Dear Diary,<br>I'm a broken man! She's engaged to a "Dr. Darcy Garland" I cannot believe it. It's been barely a year and she is already engaged to another man. It breaks my heart. Just as I was going to propose to her, she tells me she's already accepted another's man's proposal.  
>I hope I'm wrong for her sake but when I held her I felt pain….as well as mine there was hers. It was as though she was holding on to what could have been rather than letting it completely go. I sensed regret, sadness and longing. I'm not quite sure why, I mean its apparent she has moved on but there was just something about it….<br>Call me crazy but I felt her eyes follow me today, I saw her glancing at me through the corner of my eye and surely that is not an act of a women in love with her fiancée ?_

_(20th May 1895)  
>Dear Diary,<br>The beautiful, fantastic, witty, gorgeous, breath take -ingle beauty, incredibly brilliant Dr Ogden is BACK! She's back and I William Murdoch am over the moon! Just to be able to say I can see her every day brings a smile to my face. To be able to once again bask in her aroma as she stands by my side. To see her smile, to hear her laughter and to be able to once more gaze into her ocean blue eyes….Ugh it's heaven.  
>When I wake up in the morning I have a smile upon my face thinking of Julia, she lifts the weight off what may be ahead and brings a smile to my face, sometimes an unwanted smile; I feel like a young boy again. I can't remember life before this.<em>

__

_(3rd December 1895)  
>Dear Diary,<br>"Bloodlust"- is what George is calling it. A case we are working on.  
>George thinks there to be a supposed vampire, behind Miss Amy Bennett's murder and the draining of 6 other girls. Some things never chance…..<br>Diary whilst I have been working this case I swear Julia has been ….dare I say it? …. Flirting with me.  
>Maybe I'm just seeing what I want to see but I could have sworn Julia did that thing that she's so well known for(well to me anyway.)<br>The "look into his eyes and then down to his lips and then back into his eyes and back down to his lips" ordeal? Sound familiar? I'm sure I've mentioned it on more than one occasion…. Well never the less that is what she has been doing and if she wasn't engaged I swear to God I would have spun her around, throwing her off balance as she came into my embrace and I would have planted a hot, untamed kiss upon her lips there and then! Making her knees buckle and her mind explode…_

_(18th November 1896)  
>Dear Diary,<br>"If your feeling are the same, you must let know before I make my vows to Darcy and if they are not, we shall never speak of this again. Either way I will know your true feelings and my heart will be in peace, **LOVE** Julia."  
>You have no idea how many times I have replayed this in my head. How many times I pictured myself just doing something about it. I wanted so much to just barge into that church and race up to Julia and take her into my arms and just kiss her. To feel nothing but our love for each other, it wouldn't have mattered that people were watching, because, all I would have cared about then was her.<br>Obviously I would have grabbed her by the hand and raced her out of the church and….  
>well I haven't really thought that far ahead. I mean it would have been in the spur of the moment and everything would have just slot into place…. But I couldn't. If I was going to set "a wrong- right" It wouldn't be something that could break another man's heart nor one that could potentially ruin Julia.<br>No, I could have done that, I love her too much. So … I did what I have always said I would NEVER do; Diary I let a criminal go free….  
>To be fair it was my fault in the first place that she was even there, so it only made sense to let her go because, at the end of it if I'd have done my job properly she wouldn't have committed murder in the first place. But I cannot sum up in words how much I wish I had Julia in my arms and that I could call her my wife, and walk down the streets with her arm in arm hand in hand….. (READ IN A SHAKY VOICE) I miss her so, sooooo much! The inspector told me that unless I wanted to be hung for the crime I committed I could tell no one the real reason of my suspension.<br>Now Julia will think that I don't care, that I no longer Love her; but I will tell you now Diary, I love her more than ANYTHING in this world! I would run throw hell and back to keep her happy, I would go to ends of the world, run throw fire and water if it meant I could always make her smile.  
>I love her so much that I will sit back and watch her with another man, as he takes her into his arms, and I will watch another man kiss the lips that once belonged to me. I will sit back and cry at night knowing that he tells her "I love you" knowing that she shares a bed with him and not me….all because, I love and respect this women, I will honour her wishes and speak no more of it; just as she wished…<em>

_(30th November 1896)  
>Dear Diary,<br>Just when I thought life couldn't get any worse, it did. Julia told me she was leaving AGAIN!  
>That she couldn't handle working with me….that it would be too hard. I suppose that means she still cares for me but the fact that she is leaving breaks my heart.<br>I need her in order to function, in order to feel again…. Something other than pain, regret, despair and loneliness But that's all that remains.  
>…Dear lord please, please help me. I'm in love with a married women and she's all I can think about. She's the last thing I think about at night and the first think I think about in the morning. Please Lord, give her a reason to walk back into my life.<br>I would hate to feel so exposed that anybody could see how much I feel for Julia, she's my weakness and if she didn't feel the same I don't know what I would do, how could I justify the way I feel? She makes me feel so vulnerable and exposed I love her that's the bottom line. I'm supposed to be a man of god and science yet I can't explain to myself or to my feelings or justify the way I feel, all I know is Julia makes me feel whole, the best I could be, how could anything be better than that. She makes me question everything I took for granted and thought I knew._

_In my heart I know we are meant to be together, but the reality is it's likely never going to happen. She is a woman of her word so when she said "till death do us part" I would imagine she meant it. I do not wish her unhappiness or pain but I want so badly to just take her into my arms and hold her. I often dream of what life would be like if she were my wife and I, her husband, down to the very last detail. My life would be complete and I would be able to prove to her how much I love her. There would be no wrong, no pain, no misery only love. She is an angel sent from the heavens above and the light in my heart.  
>I hold so much for this woman and the irony is she will never know. Regardless I will love her until the day I die.<em>

__

_With trembling hands and baited breath her heart pounding so badly in her ears she could barely take in her surroundings. Julia gently placed William's diary on her night stand and then extinguish the gas light whilst her heart still burned with how hers and William's feelings seemed so attuned.  
>She fell asleep for the first time in weeks with a smile gently upon her face.<em>


	7. The end or the beginning?

The next day

"Sir, Dr Ogden has asked me to return this to you, apparently it came into her possession some how and she wishes for you to have it back, she would have given it you back personally but at the time you were investigating leads regards the illegal cock fighting at the warehouse and she too has been called away rather unexpectedly if I may say so to a matter of some urgency ."

As William's eyes fell upon the black notebook the constable was holding his cheeks flooded with both anger and embarrassment he retrieved the book with a sharp intake of breath, which didn't go unnoticed by George.

Silence fell upon the two men if only for a moment until it was broken by Brackenreid.

"All holy hell is breaking loose Murdoch, there's a fire raging at the warehouse, the very same warehouse you've been investigating and the fire chief has already reported the body of a young women ….yet to be identified, Me old mucker, yet to be identified has been retrieved.

It would be wrong of us to presume anything at this moment in time but a bag was also found at the scene, which matches a description of Dr Ogden's."

he said shifting uncomfortably from one foot to another, his gaze downwards before continuing.  
>"We shouldn't assume anything yet Murdoch, we need all the facts..."<br>But before he could finish Murdoch was gone, with George hastily following in his footsteps and Brackenreid found himself talking to empty space that which moments ago William had been occupying.


	8. Down but not out!

Earlier that morning, Julia had been working in the morgue when an unexpected visitor had come to see her, Julia remembered the women from one of her controversial classes on contraception She had also, remembered this particular woman,due to the fact that her husband hadn't taken well to the idea of contraception and it had lead to some rather unpleasant arguments at home.  
>Another thing Julia had noticed was Mrs Dorset was married to a possibly abusive man as she was often seen sporting colourful bruising and she was so timid and quite Julia that had actually been surprised to see her at the meeting.<br>Julia was leaning engrossed over her morgue slab mid examination when she heard a rather timid voice call out.  
>"Dr Ogden?"<br>She had recognised the voice straight away and had already started to turn around in order to see the woman addressing her  
>" Mrs Dorset..." Julia started but was rudely interrupted by a males voice.<br>"You, you bloody interfering cow! You have no right to talk to my wife! She's my property and if you dare **help** her again you will seriously regret it! Mark my words!"  
>"Dr … please ?" Mr Dorset smacked his wife across the face causing her to fall to the floor.<br>Although in shock Julia waisted no time , and ran to the woman's aid however, Mr Dorset had no intentions what so ever to allow the Dr to help his wife as he lunched his fist directly into Julia's stomach, knocking her backwards. As Julia fell winded her breath trapped in her body, she felt sick as her body sank into a dark oblivion.

Julia came round to the sound of Constable Higgins softly calling her name and a cloth gently pressed against her forehead, she felt an exploding pain in her stomach and everything seemed blurred however, she was no able to chance her breath, snatching in air so fast her lungs ached. Her eyes darting round checking that Mr Dorset had left and to see how long she had actually been out unconscious.  
>"Dr, oh my goodness what happened? If it hadn't been for a young woman insisting that I deliver this letter to you personally Heaven only knows how long you could have been laying undiscovered for!"<br>"Oh Constable Higgins, I'm feeling much better now thanks to your kind administrations, what note? What woman?"  
>Constable Higgins handed the Dr the note, Julia trained her eyes onto the letter scanning every word in disbelief .<br>Oh my Goodness Poor Mrs Dorset! Gasped Julia in horror; panic and adrenalin helping her rise to her feet as she dashed out of the morgue...


	9. Burnt out

SOOOOO sorry about the long delay

hope you enjoy this though folks :)  
>Dedicated to my good friend Okalin<p>

As Julia was approaching the dark abandoned warehouse in the dense rain and thick fog she could hear the broken scream of the woman trapped inside. The vicious winds were biting into Julia's delicate skin as she fought to walk towards the door, bitter cold droplets of rain were splashing down with tremendous force leaving red tender marks behind, which caused an almost unbearable pain as she stumbled forward in attempt to gain access to the warehouse.

Julia was so hell bent on getting to the warehouse as quickly as she could both to get out of the torrential rain but more importantly to get to Mrs Dorset's aid, who's heart wrenching screams she heard every so often almost lost to the wind, that her mind dismissed the faint sound of footsteps she imagined she could hear, every now and again telling herself it was just because, she was panicking and in such a hurry to rescue Mrs Dorset.  
>With hair plastered across her face and the water dripping in rivultes down her cheeks Julia 's outstretched arm was almost at the door, ready to pull it open and dash inside when out of nowhere a heavy blow landed at the back of her weather beaten head rendering any further thoughts or actions totally impossible. For Julia time stood still as her body collapsed to the filthy wet ground, she hadn't even heard the sneering laugher of Mr Dorset.<p>

"Stupid bitch who did she think she was dealing with? Interfering cow! It wasn't just the cock fighting that was at stake even though, it was a nice little money earner." He thought to himself with an evil grin on his face. "God did she have a clue how much her contraption classes could have cost me?  
>Did she have any idea how much people were willing to pay for a new born baby, he laughed out loud Of course she didnt that was the beauty ,up until the last few months neither had he, he'd had no idea how much people would pay for those little brats. It almost makes the cock fighting seem rather small change, but money is money.<p>

Mr Dorset dragged Julia roughly through the warehouse past his now quite wife, all her screaming having ceased from having witnessed Julia being brutally knocked out and then dragged across the floor. He threw her limp body into the chair positioned in the corner of the room, Where he proceeded to hastily tie and gag her, the light of the full moon and that of the few gas lanterns were the only thing that allowed him to see what he was doing.

" Joel, let her go! She has nothing to do with this, please? Don't hurt her! " Mr Dorset shot his wife a devilish grin and was about to strike her when his mistress entered the room. " Shut up you stupid cow! Of course she has something to do with it, YOU brought her into this, so let her blood be on your hands! And keep screaming and I'll hit you again!" Bellowed Vanessa. "Forget about about her honey, you got the list of Mothers to be and those waiting for children? questioned Joel "Sure babe it's in the other room by the lamp" replied Vanessa.

Mr Dorset shot another look at Vanessa and could hardly believe his luck in finding her, they were a match made in heaven. She was the same build and colouring as Julia, anybody who didn't know better could have easily mistaken them for sisters. He couldn't understand how he could despise one so much and make love to the other so passionately, the women were worlds apart.

Vanessa pushed Mrs Dorset in front of her amazingly,into a relatively clean and tidy yet sparsely furnished room, where there were a number of beds made up with cheap but clean linen on the end of one of them was a Dr's bag; very similar the one Julia had. Vanessa examined Lily making sure that her baby was still okay, after all it was money in the bank so to speak. Lily clutched her stomach as if to protect her baby, nobody would take this baby from her. Nobody. After examining Lily, Vanessa was certain the baby was well and continued to return her medical tools back into the bag of from which they came. Whilst Vanessa had her back to Lily, Lily took her opportunity and shoved Vanessa over the bed seizing the moment to grab the list of names, some of which were the woman that had attended Julia's classes, and in doing so knocked over the oil lamp as she went which, splashed onto Vanessa's dress which ignited almost instantly. Lily slammed the door closed and slid the bolt hurriedly across sealing Vanessa's fate unknowingly. Mrs Dorset knew she didnt posses the strength in which was needed to overpower her husband in order to save Julia so instead she set out to raise the alarm in order to get help.

Julia still had not moved and Mr Dorset was getting restless wondering what could possibly could be taking so long, so he decided to go and investigate to see what the hold up was.  
>Julia on hearing him go, set about seeing if she could if she could loosen the ropes any further, before as they were talking she had managed to partially loosen the knotts.<br>Mr Dorset headed to where he knew Vanessa and his wife to be when he heard a female scream and saw the smoke billowing under the door.  
>He tried to open the door but failed when he burnt his hand and discovered the door to be locked, through the glass of the door he could see there was already nothing he could do to help Vanessa orhis wife if she was in there. Wasting no time on grief his mind returned to the list, where the hell was it?<br>With a sicking feeling in his stomach he realised it was with Vanessa.

Meanwhile, the heat of the fire was already starting to blister the paint on the wood work and the acird smoke was starting to burn Joel's eyes and throat. He had to get out of there, without any thought of Julia he ran to the nearest door and just as he reached it the windows exploded, the force knocking him unconsious with glass raining down on him, a large piece of which sliced into his jugular.

Mrs Dorset having raised the alarm at the fire station finally managed to sit down and catch her breath, crying uncontrollably thinking of poor Julia. "The firemen should be there now." she thought to herself wringing her hands in despair. Her only comfort was that Julia didn't die in vain, she had the list now which meant that should could at least save the lives of many innoccent babies and women, which wouldn't have been possible without Julia coming and trying to save her, why had she gone on her own for heavens sake...

Even though the rain was helping damp down the fire it had well and truely begun to rage. The night was one big cloud of smoke spewing hot sparks into the night. The fire chief headed for the nearest door whilst sending his men to find any other possible enterences and to search for any signs of life.

As the fire chief headed into the door he noticed the body a middle aged man lying on the ground bending to search for a pulse he noticed that the mans jugular had been sliced by a large piece of glass. Shaking his head He then continued to venture deeper into the warehouse in search of any sign of life, when he stumbled upon a locked door where he discovered the body of a young blonde woman lying on the floor. Through the glass that still remained in the door he could see that the woman was beyond all hope of saving, god tonight was going to be a hell of a long night, finding Miss Ogden or anyone wasnt looking good right now. .  
>The fire chief kicked the door open and raised his arm to his face to shield himself from the flames as he approached as close as he dare tothe young woman he noticted a medical bag which he remembered station house four describing.<br>- Dr Ogden had gone missing the whole fire department had been told to keep and eye out for her. This was the last place he wanted to find her but why would anyone else have a doctors bag. how was he going to break this to Murdock and the rest of the station.  
>With a heavy heart he continued with his men to search the building. - ...<p>

To be continued


	10. Rescue me

_**I would just like to apologise for the tremendously overdue update ! so sorry !  
>I lost all inspiration for this story and had exams…. Here you go :D<strong>_

Murdoch's lungs were on fire, the muscles in his legs were on overdrive but he willed himself to power through the pain. He had to get there, to see the scene for himself.

George trailing behind him, his breathing laboured. He found it hard to keep up with his superior, but knew if he didn't he'd fall behind.

So many things were racing through the detectives mind. "How could I have not noticed she was missing. Who would do this to her? Why? Did she die in pain? Had she known who did this to her? Did see call for him to save her? Why was she there? Who took her, his Julia?

However in that movement reality turned into a mercurial realisation ; she wasn't his... The inevitable thought plagued his mind, that he'd let her down... Again!

This couldn't be! The old warehouse was in blazes, fireman were stationed in various locations desperately trying to tame the fire.

Murdoch hadn't even realised that he was still racing directly toward the fire trap until the chief had called to his men to restrain the young detectives further movements. It was clear that he was in that moment a danger to himself. He was a man on a mission who was unwilling to stop.

"Sir, it's not safe! "

"Sir? Sir! "Numerous firemen were trying to make Murdoch see sense.

He would in fact die if you continued to behave like a mad man but the voice inside of his head told him he had nothing to lose. If she was dead then so was he. If not physically then emotionally. He'd be no better than a a list soul. Broken and empty. Forever alone.

The moment his eyes fell upon the chard remains of a medical bag was the same moment his entire world crumpled around him. Julia was the only thing that kept him grounded. She was the only person in his life that made him feel anything. He needed her. He wouldn't be able to breath without her, wouldn't be able to function without her. She was his everything. His happiness. The reason he got out if bed in the morning. He was forever sneaking glances at her and her fair beauty.

Without a moment to spare in which, to process his thoughts Williams mouth had opened on its own accord.

He was shouting from the top of his lungs, his eyes burning from all of the tears and smoke.

"Why?!why Julia, why take her from me? What have I ever done to deserve this... What has she EVER done to deserve such a fate? "

George watched with mournful eyes as he bear witness to his superior. His hero was falling apart before him. But nothing he knew about the detective could have prepared him for what came next.

"You...you are no God, you are a monster! A cruel, vindictive, psychotic monster! She did nothing... Absolutely nothing to deserve this! No God would ever consider this to be a test, what good could possibly come of this... I... I..." Murdoch's voice faltered the emotion consuming him. Murdoch collapsed to the floor, he cradled his head in this hands. Tears threatening to stream down his face.

George witnessed such pain in Murdoch eyes. Nobody should feel such sadness he thought to himself. Most of all not the detective. A law abiding man, a man of god.

All men were glued to the spot, mouths agape. It was truly a tragic day.

The silence was broken by that of a chocked cough in the background.

*cough cough* "Chief! Chief! I gotta a body! *

Suddenly all men were released from the trance they had momentarily been held captive by. Rushing over to offer assistance to their fellow fire fighter in need, leaving George and William to themselves.

George rushed over to Murdoch to gather him up from the floor. George had come to acknowledge that the detective wasn't one for being particularly fond of showing emotions, and respected that.

'You must help him pull himself together George! He's devastated, he questioned his God! He needs help. Your help.'

George's mind was screaming orders at him, orders he was obliged to follow.

"Sir...sir please let me help you" pleaded the young constable.

Murdoch however, rose to his feet by himself. His stubbornness was blatantly obvious. Murdoch pushed George's extended arm away.

"I don't need your help constable!" The formality of the declaration felt like a blow to George's stomach but still he stood there.

"I ...I just need to gather my thoughts, before I head back to the station."

It wasn't said maliciously but rather factually.

Murdoch gazed up into the constables eyes to see understanding and a flash of confusion.

William lowered his head feeling shamed by his outburst.

'You aren't a child William, he's trying to help! You may be in pain but that is no reason to push away your friend'

Friend? William had never thought about it before but George really was more than a college. He was the friend that would help him through this.

That thought alone brought a faint smile to his face, If only for the briefest moment.

"I just need a minute to compose myself George, I must be usual for the investigation..." William looked back toward George.

What awaited him was a look that was so chilling, so pained. 'William Henry Murdoch, how could you inflict such pain on another human being perhaps it is you that's the monster.'

"I'm sorry George. Snapping at you like that, I shouldn't have done it... I,...I just needed... Well I don't know what I needed. I'm truly sorry."

Rather reluctantly Murdoch acknowledged the unsteady ground beneath him. He felt so unbalanced, so weak and torn, but showing such emotions, such feeling was not an option. He couldn't let George see how broken he'd become. More so than now. He wouldn't do that to George.

"Sir, perhaps you should..." George looked around and briefly kicked the dust around his feet. Unsure of himself for a moment before continuing.

"...perhaps you should erm, go for a stroll before heading back to work?"

Murdoch simply nodded, doing his best to smile. Failing miserably however when all George was met with was a weak uplift of the detective's lips.

"Thank you George" and with that William left.

William wasn't particularly focused on which direction he was heading, all he knew was he had to clear his head.

It barely even occurred to him that there seemed to be a form of some sort sprawled out across a dirty ditch about 20feet away from him.

William squinted his eyes at the unknown form when he noticed that this particular form somewhat resembled a woman.

And suddenly there was silence. Deafening and absolute. It was like the entire world just came to a standstill.

Just like before Williams body switched onto autopilot, his brain on standby as he set off racing toward the clearly unconscious form as fast as he could, doing his best to dodge the debris and embers from the still raging fire.

Nearing closer to the woman he knottiest how blood was trailing down her hands and arms, thanks to several gaping wounds that painted her flesh.

Upon reaching the woman William immediately checked for a pulse in a mad frenzy. There was a pulse, unsteady though it may be; it was there! He rolled the woman over so that her face was out of the ditch.

As the young detective knottiest a crucial details his eyes widen to the size of saucers.

'Oh my heavens, this cannot be real. It just can't be.' As the young woman's hair tumbled from around her face William, realised that this woman was in fact a rather beaten up Julia Ogden. She was alive!

Naturally Murdoch yelled at the top of his lungs to draw the firemen attention toward himself and Julia.

"HELP! Somebody HELP!"

His full attention now back on Julia he knelt down to further inspect her.

There was a deep gash in her lip that was bound to leave a scar. Her face and wrist were slightly discoloured.

Julia's entire left cheek bone was serially bruised; the underlay of her eye was a combination of blacks, blues and greens. Her wrist had been bound whilst being held captive. It made Murdoch's blood boil.

'How dare anybody lay a hand on her?'

Her once delicate hands were now covered in a concoction of blood & soil. Her clothes were ripped, blackened from the fire.

'Even in her slumber she looked to be in excruciating pain, pain so immeasurable that it broke his heart.'

"George! Help me! Please!" He begged as he beckoned his constable for assistance.

"Sir!" Called a rather breathless constable. "What is...? Oh my heaves sir, I that... Is that doctor Ogden?" George's mouth fell agape. He was in utter disbelief. His paled as though he'd just seen a ghost.

"Yes George, now please call for a carriage immediately! We must get her into intensive care; now!"

George nodded his head violently in agreement. He sprinted off to do as instructed, leaving William to cradle Julia's head on his lap.

He stroked the remainder of hair away from her face brushing his thumb across her cheek.

"Oh Julia, I'm so sorry" his eyes began to water as he lay a kiss on the top of her head.

"I am so, so sorry Julia. I should've been there for you, to protect you!"

As by magic upon hearing her name being called Julia's eyes fluttered open, exhaustion was apparent by the hollowness of her eyes. Even in the state she was in she still managed to remain the exquisite beauty he'd come to know of as Julia Ogden. "Julia is beautiful, there is no denying it but it is almost sadly so.

Upon closer inspection William knottiest Julia's wrists were still bound. Her attempts to loosen the restraints had caused her skin to tear. Fibres of robe were embedded in the open wounds.

Williams body shuck with rage the moment his eyes bore witness to the discolouration of strangulation marks around Julia's delicate neck.

'How dare anybody touch her? How anybody thinks it was okay to touch her! '

Looking at her like this revealed a thousand old and new hurts spilling out and exposing themselves like bloody war wounds which, are now absent of their once protective scabs. He'd never seen her in such a vulnerable state. She looked on the verge of death. Her once rosy completion gone, all colour drained from her face. This was not the Julia Ogden he was used to. This wasn't right. She needed medical attention now!


	11. Remember me?

_**Hope you all enjoyed the previous chapter? Let me know what you all think of this one please? **_

_**I like to hear your thoughts :) **_

_**So let's not forget to feed the review monster at the bottom of the page ;) lol **_

_**Thanks guys - Amy -**_

X*X*X*X*X*XX*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X *X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X

Julia's POV-

I could feel myself drifting in and out of consciousness. My body was being cradled, held gently by someone? Someone strong. Who could it have been ? I couldn't be certain. Abruptly the embrace was gone. I must have lapsed into unconscious once more. A sweet oblivion where I felt no pain, no fear ...What other explanation could there be? How else could I have not noticed such a warmth disappear? It's something I knew I wouldn't be able to explain. How do you explain a feeling? One that you don't fully understand yourself.

My eyes! God how they burnt. One side of my face felt so swollen, and the lights were so unbearably bright. I couldn't will myself to force them open.

Then there was nothing but darkness.

I awoke to the sound of orders echoing around the space I was occupying from one person to the next.

The terminology being used sounded so familiar but I couldn't quite place it.

My head was pounding, my entire body felt as though I'd fallen from a speeding carriage.

...darkness...

There's that smell again. That oh so very familiar smell. It reminds me of happier times; though I don't know how that's possible. It's rather silly really, the idea that a smell could have that kind of power over somebody. Over myself even. Intriguing isn't it how something so small could be the trigger that caused such warmth to seep through my entire being.

It was a rather consuming sensation but I welcome it nevertheless with open arms. Something about it simply seemed so safe, so warm, so loving, so pure and so...vital. Almost like I required it to breath, to function.

With the feeling of blissful happiness I fell back into the dark abyss that was my unconscious.

—

General POV-

Julia's eyelids very slowly started flickering their way open, letting in just the slightest sliver of light before closing again. The process repeated a few more times, opening further and further. Until finally, after several attempts, they opened. Whilst still adapting to the blaring lights Julia heard a male's voice. His hands holding her cheek. Julia wasn't met with the same warm feeling from earlier. Her stomach felt tight and she found herself wishing herself unconscious again. Something about this man's gestures felt wrong. He unsettled her.

"Oh Julia thank god you're alright, I've been worried sick"

The words he used sounded sincere, to her they sounded rehearsed, devoid of all emotion.

"Julia? Can... Can you see me?"

Julia squinted her eyes just enough to make out a man peering over her bed. Invading her personal space. He was too close. Alarm bells sounded in her head. She shot back in her bed immediately regretting such movements.

Before she could process any shred of information her mouth was making a rather unbecoming noise.

She was screaming.

"Ahhhhhhh! Somebody help me please! "

The man hands grabbed a hold of her as he shuck her gently, he seemed panicked, agitated but she didn't care. Who was this man? Why was he touching her? How did he know her name and why was he talking to her like he knew her on a personal bases? She'd never seen him before in her life.

"Let go of me!" Although she was bellowing orders at set stranger her voice faltered. Tears began to stream down her face as she choked back a sob.

"Let... Let g...go of, of me!"

She was hyperventilating, the more she cried the harder it became to breathe.

"Julia? Please. It's me Darcy." The man before her appeared so confused and so lost but she felt no compassion toward him. He was lying to her, she'd never even heard of a Darcy before now.

"O...off!" She choked once more.

Darcy removed his hands from around Julia's arms and backed away from the hospital bed.

"I'm sorry Julia. I'm sorry." With that he dated out of the door.

Panic was devouring her, as if strangling the life from within her.

"H...help! Some...somebody h...help me! P...please." Each intake of breath seemed to be lessening, her voice becoming deathly quiet.

Rocking herself back and forth in desperation. Her mind screaming in hear.

"Julia?" The voice sounded urgent yet still soft. The voice sounded familiar to her, it soothed her. Grounded her. She knew this voice. But from where?

Within an instant the man was by her side; pulling her tenderly to him as he cradled her in his arms. Her head resting on his broad chest, he stroked his fingers through her hair, as if she were a child.

How had she felt so at ease in this man's embrace? Falling into him seemed so natural to her. But foreign at the same time.

"Shhh. It's okay Julia. I'm here, I've got you okay? Alright, I've got you. Shhh"

His voice was so angelic, how could she protest? Being in his arms felt safe, felt like home.

"Tha...thank you." Julia said in a weak voice, barely above a whisper. Her gaze was fixed on the man above her as her lips eased into a smile. William heard her words but for some reason, his response just wouldn't form.

All of his worries and fears were being washed away with relief. Seeing her awake, to hold her like this put his worries at bay. It wasn't a cruel trick of fate. He was wide awake; as was she.

To show his relief he simply tightened his hold on Julia, not hard enough to cause her pain. Only hard enough to let her know he had her and would never let go. Her body was rocking.

He knew his attempt at reassuring her seemed to work when he felt her bury herself closer against him, if at all was even possible. Remaining like this until her breathing seemed to even out once more, the tears that once flowed ruthlessly down her cheeks had come to a Holt.

Instead of lifting himself off of the bed he let himself lean into her, William's head going to Julia's slender shoulder. It was an instinctual reaction and it took a few seconds for William to suddenly remember the ordeal Julia had just been through, and that he probably should be gentler.

However, when he came to that very realisation and went to pull back, he felt two shaky hands cling onto him around his lapels.

Julia was trying to piece everything together. She was in the hospital, so that was another alarm bell going off in her head.

Her last memory was being in a rundown building of some sort. Oddly though she couldn't remember anything other than that. No memories from before that were assembling in her head. It was like they didn't exist. Or we're hidden by a dark cloud... Too far out of her reach.

Her temples were protesting her head pounding, as she reached up with one hand she could feel the dressings around her head. How long had they been there and why hadn't she noticed them before?

As if sensing something was wrong William, slightly loosened his hold on Julia only enough so he could see her face.

"What's the matter Julia? You look lost."

'Did he just read mind? Wait how do I know this man?' So many questions were floating around her head all at once it was too much. Her mind was doing summersaults, her eyes began to grow heavy, and despite the heaviness felt she forced them open.

This young man seemed to be watching her. He seemed to go about it rather meticulously. But it didn't startle her.

Nothing she did went unnoticed. It was rather strange at first but something about it fascinated her, intrigued her.

That's when she gazed up into the chocolate pools of familiarity that were his eyes.

With her mouth momentarily agape she asked " Tell me Sir, who are you?"

Then the sparkle in his eyes faded. His features morphed into a complex of emotion. His eyes focused intently on the young woman in his arms. For a moment he almost thought he'd imagined it.

"I'm sorry?" He responded with uncertainty." I don't understand. What do you mean, who am I?" Finishing with a nervous laugh.

Julia's eyes fell away with confusion. How could she forget such a beautiful face, such an attractive man?

Reluctantly she continued. "I mean you no disrespect Sir, it's just that. Well I..." Julia's eyes darted around the room on a quest to seek something other than his eyes to look at. "I don't know who you are."

An unheeded tear trailed down his cheek, one that had gone unnoticed by Julia.

"You mean you don't remember who I am? What we were or even what happened to you?" Confusion painted all over the young man's face as he released his hold on her.

"What we were?". She couldn't keep the surprise out of her voice, nor could she suppress the smile that stubbornly tugged at her cheeks. To think she had perhaps once courted such a fine specimen only to be left without him or maybe not.

He was averting his gaze, looking anywhere but at the woman in front of him.

"Well we... We erm..." He lightly coughed. "Never mind all of that. It's in the past now. I missed my chance, which is a burden I shall forever carry with me. "It almost broke her heart to hear him speak with such raw emotion behind his words.

"But... You're happy now with your husband."

'Wait! I'm married?!"Her eyes flew open to the size of flying saucers. "I'm married? ... Married to whom?!"

"Darcy Garland." There it was again. Pain etched in the corner of his eyes. His mouth tight.

She looked shocked.

"Do you remember him?" He questioned.

"Yes. Well no I don't remember him per say..."

Murdoch rose his eyebrow in a questioning manner.

"I mean you, you actually saved me from him."

"I what? Wait Julia did he hurt you?" his face grew pinched and hard.

She laughed weakly with discomfort.

"Good heavens no or at least I don't think so. He simply scared me half to death. He wouldn't let go of me or get away from my face. It... It was too much too fast. You know? I just panicked. Something just felt wrong!"

"I understand." He gave her his best smile but she could still see the insecurities behind it.

'How could this feel so right? Talking to him so openly was effortless.'

A moment of silence passed before she continued.

"I'm aware I'm about to change topic entirely but... How did I get here? Into hospital I mean. All I remember is being tied up somewhere. "Upon asking she immediately saw an almost embarrassed look cross the man's face.

"I uh… carried you." He tried to sound casual, but Julia's eyes widened.

"You carried me?" She asked in awe and William actually looked a bit shy about it.

"Yes. The carriage was taking far too long, I couldn't risk waiting, not in your condition. I suppose the adrenaline took over." He looked off but Julia was still looking rather bewilderedly at him.

"Thank you." She said softly. A smile upon her face.

"Of course." William responded. A smile painted his features.

Without a real understanding of where her smirk came from she continued.

"You know you never did tell me your name."

This time however his smile was genuine and the light behind his eyes returned.

Julia's own smile seemed to renew some of the confidence in William as he lifted his chin slightly.

"Detective Murdoch. At your service" He shuck her hand playfully.

"But I think by now Julia you can call me William."

...

Until next time my lovelies :)

Just to let you know there's a very hunger review monster down below : o If someone could throw him a review bone that'd be brill : p x Ha ha thanks again xx

I love knowing what you guys think :p reviews are appreciated :)


	12. Do my ears deceive me?

Sorry I took so long to update, I was in London& Edinburgh for a while and then straight back into loads of college work... Fun xP not!  
>Hope you enjoy. Feedbacks always appreciated... Please tell me what you'd like to see in the next chapter.<br>Thanks guys, enjoy !

The young woman excepted the outstretched hand.  
>"Well detective, it's a pleasure to..." Stumbling over her words unsure of what she should say next. After all it was now apparent that technically this wasn't the first time they'd met so to continue with what she had in mind wouldn't be fitting.<p>

With a chuckle William took over.  
>" To getting to know each other again" His remark brought a genuine smile to her face.<br>" I couldn't have put it better myself Detective."

The two exchanged small talk, along with Murdoch briefing Julia on how she'd ended up in the hospital In the first place for the better part of an hour before, Julia's doctor graced them with his presence.

He was in his late 60s. Average height and build but what set him aside from most doctors was his groomed moustache and warm eyes. Most doctors loose the warmth in their eyes after witnessing so many tragedies, but not him.

"Well Julia, I must say its lovely to see you're awake." His gaze was then diverted to William. " Detective may I have a word outside please?" His clipboard in one hand.

"Of course doctor. Julia I'll be right back." In an instant her cheeks drained of any remaining colour. She was no fool, they were planning to go outside for one reason and one reason alone.

" Wait!"

Both men's heads snapped around abundantly to look at her, shock written across their features.  
>"Please. I... I would like to hear about my condition."<p>

The doctor looked at her sympathetically, the corner of his lip arched up forming a sad smile. A simple nod of conformation from William was all he needed.  
>"Very well...Julia you have something that we call amnesia. " He walked closer toward her bed and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "This means that ..."<p>

"What! No! "  
>Julia's head snapped up, her eyes focused intently on her doctor. She almost thought she'd imagined it.<br>" You're familiar with the term?" His voice held the slightest flicker of hope.  
>Very briefly she looked dumbfounded by his comment. What an odd response she thought.<br>"... I suppose I recognise it;yes. But what does that have to do with anything?" Harsh frown lines made their presence apparent. She was beyond confused at this point.

" Well Julia that in itself is a start! It means you remember something from your past. You're already stating to recover by the sounds of it." His voice filled with glee.  
>" Which detective brings me to the inevitable."<p>

Murdoch's eyebrows rose upon hearing the doctors voice.  
>" Oh? "<br>With a firm hand extended outward to signal his intentions to gain some privacy; he walked toward the opposite end of the room.  
>"We can't keep Mrs Garland here past tomorrow I'm afraid. We're quite overcrowded and the rooms are required for patients with server conditions."<br>"I see."  
>" We no longer need to monitor her stability since she's awoken. "<br>" I see." Was Murdoch's only utterance. How could they not need to monitor her? She'd just woken up after being unconscious for two days. Only to find out she couldn't remember a thing about her past.

" I feel awful to have to ask however, its crucial I do...Detective would there be any possibility of you getting in touch with her husband? It's just the hospital has tried and we've heard nothing from Mr Garland. He's virtually unreachable."

Unbeknownst to them there was a rather terror stricken Julia Garland listening to their conversation.

How did he expect her to go back to such a man? The very idea made her stomach turn. Panic etched across her delicate features.

"No! I refuse! "

William certainly wasn't accustomed to these sudden outburst from Julia, and judging by the perplexed look on the mans face beside him it wasn't something he witness a lot of either.  
>"I beg your pardon Mrs Garland. I don't understand."<p>

"How am I to go home to a Man I don't remember? To share a bed with him and spend my every waking hour with him?! This is ludicrous! Surely there's an alternative? " she sounded almost desperate now. Frustrated even.

"What would you recommend Mrs Garland? I'd have to send you somewhere you deem safe. Somewhere you'll be looked after. "

After settling her head against the oversized pillow, Julia allowed her weary eyes to glance upwards towards the young detective in complete loss.

" I don't know of anywhere I'd be welcomed on such sort notice. "  
>Her voice was barley above a whisper.<br>"Detective do you know of any of my relatives?"

Murdoch looked at her with saddened eyes. "Julia I'm afraid they're out of town for a further 2months."

"Oh."A brief silence hung over the room until Murdoch spoke.

"Doctor I wonder, would it be possible for Julia to stay in my apartment until she recovers? I have a spare bedroom so we'd be separated of course. Not only that but I've worked with Julia for an extensive period of time, so you know she'd be safe. She'd be safe of course. Taking care of her won't be an issue " Murdoch surprised even himself with how similar he sounded to a young child pleading with his parents.

Glancing over in Julia's direction he continued. " If that's okay with you of course Julia? I wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable."  
>Her mouth was agape. She was in complete shock. Her eyes momentarily let her down; a spark of hope.<br>" I wouldn't wish to intrude William?"

"It would be no instruction Julia;honestly. It would be my pleasure."

'How sweet of him. How absolutely marvellous. At least I know I enjoy this mans company. But how couldn't I? Gosh he's defiantly something.'

"Well Julia so long as you're happy with the arrangements I'll see what I can do. "Her doctors voice brought her back around to the situation at hand.

Her only conformation was a nod of her head.  
>" Well that's sorted then. Detective you can take her home this evening if that's convenient? It will do her good to be around a familiar environment. She's been here for two days already."<p>

In that moment everything stood still, time froze and questions formed.  
>"I...I beg your pardon? Two days? How...?"<p>

"...Julia you were in a coma. Most likely from the injuries you sustained from the warehouse. You were physically drained Julia!  
>Your bodies natural response was to put you into a deep sleep state in order for it to health faster. It's completely normal in cases such as yours. There's no need to be alarmed."<p>

She didn't, rather couldn't say anything. She was in disbelief. It had genuinely felt like everything she experienced through the darkness was in the time span of a day.

"Detective, Mrs Garland. I must dash I've another patient to tend to. Ill have the paperwork ready for you at the desk detective. If you should have an concerns just ring the hospital board and ask for me. Good-day " Just a soon as he had come he'd left.

"Good bye." It was an automatic response on Julia's behalf.  
>'Two days Julia! You've lost two days! Aren't you forgetting you virtually cannot remember a thing about your life. What difference is two days? Why are you so shocked? Get over it! Wait... Is. Oh my Williams still here. How rude of you Julia! Julia stop staring!'<p>

William witnesses the show of emotions on the young woman's face.  
>'What was she thinking and what could possibly be the reason for her looking so angry? Break the silence William.'<p>

"Well ... it's settled then Ill check you out this evening. I just have some things I need to take care of at the station first."

William had already swivelled on his heels by the time Julia's voice was heard.  
>"Detective, I'd just like to say thank you for your hospitality. You don't know how much I appreciate it."<p>

William turned to acknowledge Julia and couldn't help but notice that she seemed out if sorts. Which, was to be expected considering she'd lost her memory. She just seemed so timid. It was bazaar to him.

"Really Julia it's no problem at all."

William felt the presence of other people in the room before he actually heard the voices.  
>"Sir I'm going to have to ask you to leave. We're conducting a final examination on Mrs Garland, no males are aloud to be present." The nurses voice was cold,firm and a rather intimidating all of which, lead to William agreeing to exist. But not before reassuring Julia by rolling his eyes to the back of his head in a playful manner and grinning.<br>"I'll see you at around seven Julia. "  
>The colour in her cheeks rose. 'This is going to be a long night.' she thought to herself. 'A long night indeed.'<p> 


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